Sunday, October 28, 2012

My Best Friend, My Love

I sit next to you at lunch, my best friend, and enjoy every second of our time together. When you leave us, I have no reason to stay and socialize with the others in our group.

I sit at home, waiting excitedly to get a text back from you, not caring how long it takes you to reply. When you don’t, I shrug and wait anticipatingly for the next time we talk. I go on facebook, coming to your profile. When I see your picture, I think of how lucky I am to call you my friend. I think about you as my mind wanders. When I think about our friendship, I realize my feelings for you.

I curse myself for falling for my best friend. When I see you again, however, I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I talk to you about our plans. When we come up with something, our activity becomes the highlight of my week.

I sit beside you, this time just the two of us. When I talk with you alone, it just feels so incredibly right. I sit on the couch with you, you becoming the center of my universe. When you make me smile, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.
I look at you and admire how beautiful you are. When I see your smile, it can’t help but lift my spirits. I hang out with you again, this time in a large group. When I’m with you, however, there is no one else there. I sit close to you, the two of us crammed together on the couch. When I feel you against me and sense how you have no problem with it, I’m thankful you feel that comfortable around me.

I feel the urge to put my arm around you. When I imagine doing it, it makes all the sense in the world.
I leave your house, and am saying good-bye before I drive home. When you express how much you want to make sure I get home safe, I thank you and feel incredibly lucky. I dream about the day I ask you to be mine. When I realize why that day won’t come soon if ever, my heart sinks a bit. I see you with your boyfriend. When I realize how good you two are for each other and how happy you are, I realize what I have to do. I accept I have to hide my feelings to save you pain and distress. When I think of you, however, I still can’t help but dream of asking you to be mine.

I sit beside you at lunch, my best friend, and enjoy every second of our time together. When I see you almost as happy with me as with him, I’m reminded of a sad fact. We would have been perfect for each other, if you two weren’t already perfect for each other.

You go away to college, and I’m left here. When we say good-bye, I can barely hold back my emotions. We continue to talk over the years through text. When I feel the urge to confess my feelings, I manage to control myself out of my love for you ironically enough. You give me the news that you and your boyfriend are getting married. When I hear it, I feel and express overwhelming happiness for you, while deep down also feeling overwhelming sadness. You ask me to be part of the honor attendants. When I accept your offer, I also am forced to accept that you and I can now never be together.

The day comes, and I stand one of the attendants. When you two kiss, I’m the first to cheer for you.
The years pass by, and you remain consistently happy. When I acknowledge this, I am forced to move on.
I get married and ask you to be my best woman. When you accept, I’m excited and glad we could at least be among each others’ honor attendants if not the bride and groom.

Many years pass, and we remain happily married. When I think of you, I still can’t help but think what if I've told you everything. We live the rest of our lives, and you never know of my deeper feelings for you. When I lay dying, I hold firm that it was for the best, despite how hard it was.

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